My Story
Friends and acquaintances tell me I’m a calming person to talk to, even when I’m speaking passionately about helping people recover from Trauma, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Depression. But I wasn’t always this way.
I was terrorized every day of my young life, so I grew up thinking it was normal to be afraid all the time. As well, I was raised with what is officially called “Childhood Emotional Neglect”. That means when I wasn’t being terrorized I was ignored.
When a child is abused they feel it’s their fault.
The only alternative, that their caretakers are at fault, is too much for them to handle because their very life depends on that care. So I grew up with the feeling there was something deeply wrong with me. In my teens I started to self-destruct with drugs and alcohol, and when I was 27, I had a psychological crisis.
In Defense of My Father
When my father was born he had two brothers and a sister more than twenty years old. He was a mistake, an unplanned pregnancy. And one of his brothers had a congenital disease so his mother gave that child all her attention. By the time my father came along his parents were exhausted, tired of life. So he didn’t set out to be a bad father. His childhood was also absent of love and affection, filled with neglect.
He married my mother at a young age because she was pregnant with me. And although he didn’t love her he was always a good provider. As well, I’m sure he was never unfaithful to her until when my younger sister died at the age of 29 he moved to southern Oregon with a good woman who made him happy.
By that time I’d started learning the meditation I talk about below, which taught that to find happiness you need to forgive everyone in your life, even those who should not be forgiven. So I visited him once in a while in Oregon and we started to be friends.
During one talk we had before he died, I think he was trying to apologize, because he told me that until he was 42 years old he thought other people were two dimensional figures. He was the sales manager at a major television station, and one of his salesmen had a heart attack. So my father went to visit him in the hospital.
He said that hospital visit was the first time in his life
he realized other people had feelings and lives of their own.
From that day forward he gradually changed into a loving considerate person, always thinking of the other person first. It was really an incredible transformation. But by the time he was 42, I was already 19 and had left home. So during my entire childhood my father treated me like I was a two dimensional figure with no feelings, and it took me many years to recover.
But I Did Recover
After my crisis at the age of 27 the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) I’d had since I was a child got worse, and I had what they call intrusive thoughts many times a day that I was a terrible person. I seriously considered suicide. But I wanted so badly for my two young children to have a good father, so I decided to stick around.
There are many variations of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Although I had the obsessive thoughts I never had the compulsive actions, so I never hurt anybody. I just made myself very unhappy, and was severely depressed for the next 35 years.
Because I was ignored as a child I craved human connection,
but my OCD made it difficult.
For a long time I couldn’t look people in the eye. The leader of a group therapy I went to called me “Mr. Fear”. Most of the time I was able to work to support myself, but I was painfully alone, and every day was a struggle. When I saw someone walking down the street, I would wish I was him. When I saw someone die in a movie I would feel very relaxed, and think to myself “It’s OK. They have peace now.” And I developed a death wish.
I developed an insatiable drive for personal growth. I tried everything I could think of, but I had no idea what I was doing. I often struggled for a long time trying to learn something I thought would help, only to find out it was either a complete waste of time or actually made things worse. So I learned a lot about what doesn’t work, and about what does. But that’s the long, hard way to heal. I don’t recommend it.
Meditation
When I was 47 I joined a meditation group based on Ancient Wisdom, and my learning how to live a good life increased significantly. In the 25 years since then I healed most of my ADHD and my OCD, and slowly I was able to gain control of my thoughts. That’s so important because our thoughts create our feelings and emotions. I learned to feel good.
My understanding of myself, of other people, and of how the world works increased dramatically. Things that used to be complicated and confusing became simple and clear. I created a successful business, made good friends, and built a life filled with meaning and purpose. I became more of the person I always wanted to be.
Until I experienced how wonderful life can be, I never would have believed it.
And I always remember that without the years of my suffering I wouldn’t have gained the experience and insight to help others recover from their own Trauma, ADHD, OCD, and depression quickly.
Coaching
Over the next three years I took three long coaching courses, and each one was better than the last. I learned powerful healing techniques. But the most important thing I learned is that I’m a natural. My clients tell me I just naturally help them feel calm and safe.
Apply for a Free 90 Minute “Get Out of Depression Now” coaching session.
I look forward to hearing your story,
Ken Lapp
Things are going to get easier